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“When a Gentleman’s Apparel”
(To the tune of “Grandfather’s Clock” written in 1876 by Henry Clay Work.)
When a gentleman’s apparel is just an empty barrel,
with stove piping for pants;
And where a heart should be beating is only metal sheeting
‘Tis a damper on romance;
I’ll admit it is appealing to anticipate a feeling,
For love or life or art;
I would thrill to the thump of that ever beating pump
If I had a heart.
chorus
Twenty years I’ve been rustering
FX: Creak creak creak
All my emotions mustering
FX: Squeak squeak squeak
But I stopped short, never to run again,
When the rain came down!
Oh I could wave good bye to the flitting butterfly
With a tear in my eye
I could beat my chest in sorrow, Laughing at the dents tomorrow
With a mouthful of humble pie;
When a dude’s only duds was a washtub full of suds,
It’s a puzzle where to start,
But I know I’d be happy be it broken, hard or sappy,
If I had a heart.
chorus
Twenty years I’ve been rustering
FX: Creak creak creak
All my emotions mustering
FX: Squeak squeak squeak
I had stopped short, but now I run again,
Cause you oiled my joints!